Crying in the Gym

I cried in the gym today.  Is that an appropriate place to cry?  haha  "The Today Show" was on the tv, and they did a segment about a couple who had three children die either by stillbirth or within the first few days after birth.  Their story ended in a beautiful 3-child family and a new movement called "Jacob's Womb," a call to hospitals to change their policies to give grieving people time to mourn when a family member dies in the hospital.  They bore their children through a surrogate mother, one of their nurses from the hospital who fell in love with the couple and served them in an amazing way.  Yeah, I cried...and I was definitely the only girl in the place and the only one paying attention to the tv.

Yeah, I'm a girl!

Creating an Egypt

Several weeks ago, I coined a phrase that has stuck with me.  In contemplating the Israelites experience with their golden calf, I realized that they were totally attempting to "create an Egypt."  Before this episode, they had been whining to Moses and to God to take them back to Egypt, where things weren't as bad as they had thought.  When Moses and God said no, they plotted and planned.  (Okay, so I'm isogeting a little, but give me a break!)  When Moses went away, the children of God played.  They created an Egypt since they couldn't return to the real one.  They constructed an idol of a god they had never worshiped and partied like it was 1999.  They were back!  Welcome to Egypt, my friends, in the middle of the wilderness. 

And then it hit me: I DO THAT.  I've made the decision to wander around in this wilderness with Jesus (the New Moses, eh?), and every now and again I beg God to just let me go, let me return to my vomit, you know?  But He says no, and I keep plodding…and plotting.  When I think He's disappeared, BAM!  I create an Egypt—momentary, delightful drama.  As the magic unfolds, I begin to realize it's not so much fun.  Throwing myself onto a golden calf hurts.  (Hello, Jamie, it's metal!)  I whack my head and even sometimes acquire a concussion.  Either way, I'm knocked back into my senses…this is Egypt!  I've been FREED from there, right?  And then I see Him coming down the mountain.  He's aglow.  In His left hand is a font of water; in His right, the bread and wine.  Redemption draweth nigh.

We create Egypts every day, you and I.  I often worship the idols of procrastination, perfectionism, mockery.  I dance before their brilliance.  They might be shiny, but they hurt when I hit my head on them.  Lies, all of them!  They are mirages of the Real Deal.  They are simply attempts at recreating a past that has been redeemed…when I could actually be living the redeemed life.

Sope, I offer this question to you: What is your Egypt?  When are you tempted to recreate it for "old time's sake"?  Don't do it, y'all.  Don't dance before the idols of X, Y, and Z.  Dance for Jesus…and live!

Wilmorians...

sigh...

Welp, my dream did come true, and it was marvelous.  There is nothing in the whole world like leading worship.  Nothing.  I can't really describe it in words, so I won't even try.

As of 6 o'clock tonight, my world will forever change.  I'm going on a retreat that is intense to say the least.  I'm thankfully not going by my lonesome.  I'll have several sisters surrounding me...and I them.  We're in for a deep cleansing, and I'm terrified...

...and SO excited...

...and did I mention TERRIFIED?!?!

Be praying from 6 on Friday until noon on Sunday...

We'll need it.

Dreams Do Come True

I won't share the entirety of my life's dream with you, but let's just say it revolves around music.  It always has.  My heart is a singing heart.  My mind never stops the rhythm.  And tomorrow, for the first time ever, I am helping lead people into worship through that part of me that is most alive--my voice.  I'm nervous; I'm excited; I'm SO amazed at God.  I have practice in an hour and a half, and I can't concentrate on anything.  My dreams are coming true...